Santa’s Little Secret Service – San Francisco, CA


Santa’s Little Secret Service was a Bay Area street theater project created by humorist EDW-Lynch, a Senior Contributing Writer at Laughing Squid, based (at the time) in Oakland, California.

“I use humor to communicate complex ideas, to amuse my audience (and myself), and to bamboozle, as needed. I have a toolbox of identities, media, and performance methods that I use to these ends. Satire is my preferred weapon. The intersection of humans and technology is my preferred focus.

The idea for the project came from the thought, “If the President of the USA has a secret service unit protecting his safety, why not Santa Claus, and other Holiday-related notables?”

And so it came to pass that during the Christmas seasons of 2006-2011, a crack unit of secret service elves, nutcracker soldiers (12th Nutcracker Regiment, 103rd Sleighborne Division), and naughty/nice interrogators hit the streets of San Francisco to protect good old St. Nick.

The elves wore sunglasses, ear-piece communicators, and carried weapons resembling candy canes as part of their elaborate ruse of the holidays.

The Secret Service Elves were also deployed to protect Mrs. Claus, and Jesus “The Reason for the Season” Christ.

Lynch also arranged for 300 Santas to mob the Westfield shopping center.

When the Christmas season ended, Santa’s Secret Service Unit provided a security motorcade for the Easter Bunny, complete with a police escort.

Reactions to the zany holiday event included  “Black Ops Elves?”, “Grassy Noel!” and “This is what happens when you have a large unemployment base – too many people with too much free time on their hands create things like this.”

So you’d better watch out…better be good, for goodness sake or Santa’s security force will leave more than coal in your Xmas stockings.

NOTE: Santa’s Little Secret Service is a sub-directorate of the Bureau of Special Christmas Operation (BOSCO). The Service is separated into divisions focusing on personal protection, diplomatic protection, intelligence, and Christmas certainty operations. Know a naughty person? Contact:

Laughing Squid features a daily dose of unique art, culture and technology from around the world. It was founded on November 16th, 1995 in San Francisco by Scott Beale as a film and video production company, producing documentaries on the surrealist painter Alonso Smith and The Cacophony Society’s Portland Santacon ’96 event. Laughing Squid moved its headquarters to New York City in 2010.

Santa’s Little Secret Service (Website)
Laughing Squid (Website)
EDW Lynch (Website)
BlogLovin (Blog)
Santa’s Secret Little Service (Video)


Born in Philadelphia, Jerome Alphonse Holst worked 30 years as a librarian. He has since retired and lives in Thomasville, North Carolina. Mr. Holst is also the author of the children’s books “Norman the Troll,” "Norman the Troll and the Haunted House," and "Gretchen and the Gremlins." In addition, he penned the fantasy novel “The Adventures of Glinda Gale,” a retelling of “The Wizard of Oz" and the reference text “The Encyclopedia of Movie and TV Insults.” .

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Posted in Organizations and Clubs, Santas and Santa Villages

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